I need to lose weight before my wedding

By Kelly Clark / Build Healthy Habits

why I need to lose weight before my wedding THINKING bombs (every time)
did someone say ex-lax?
wake up in a SOLID GOLD Standard Routine

“I need to lose weight before my wedding.”

Heard that one before?

How about:

I need to lose weight before we go on holiday
so I can wear my new cozzie.
(That’s how the Brits say bathing suit. It’s short for swimming costume.)

I need to lose weight before I become a partner at my firm.
Climbing the ladder will be sooo much easier when I feel like “me”.

I need to lose weight before my jodhpurs fitting
because I’m starring in Calamity Jane, ah-gain.

Ok, so that one’s new to me. But entirely possible. And entirely a Set-Yourself-Up-to-Fail approach to losing weight.

(Also a little bit braggy, non?)

I need to lose weight before my wedding THINKING

For me it was always:

I need to lose weight by the school dance on Friday.
So I can wear the Levi’s I bought in my goal size.

Next:
I need to lose weight before I go to camp.
Then I’ll feel good and it will be easier to make friends.

At camp it was:
I’m on a 10-day canoe trip so I’ll lose a pound a day.
Since I became vegetarian this summer it’s easier to refuse more food
& between portaging and paddling, we’re basically exercising all day.

Then at the end of the summer I’d say:

On and on my fresh starts went with the goal of immediate weight loss…

And each time, just a few days into my crash diet that included cRaZy amounts of exercise, I’d be so hungry I’d overeat. Then I’d choose a new deadline.

There was always a shiny-new milestone I was aiming for.

…Imagine all the things I could have been AIMING for, instead.

What about you?

Do you keep saying I need to lose weight before [impending date]?

Note to my younger self

LASTING weight-loss is 1-2 pounds per week while you build healthy habits you LOVE.

I never tried that weight-loss strategy.
I wanted INSTANT results.
Dramatic change!

Which is why those Levi’s in my goal size sat folded, tags on, in their original bag on the top shelf of my wardrobe for ALL of high school.

The irony is, 2 pounds per week WOULD’VE been dramatic compared to the 10 years I spent trying to lose what started as 10 pounds.

Why I need to lose weight before my wedding THINKING doesn’t work

I never reflected on my failed attempts to lose weight because I was straight onto the next diet.

So I never saw that I was locked in a pattern.

And I didn’t understand that each step of the cycle was as self-defeating as the next.

Rather than blaming my weight-loss strategy, I blamed myself.

I thought I was weak and lacked willpower.

I thought I liked cake.

But there’s MANY reasons why my desperate-to-lose-weight-by-a-certain-date approach didn’t work.

Here’s 3:

I need to lose weight before my wedding THINKING doesn’t work – Reason #1

When you’re trying to lose weight by a specific date you’re focusing on the RESULT, rather than what you need to do to get that result.

Amiright?

Saying I need to lose weight before my wedding is kinda like saying:

I want an official Red Ryder, carbine action, 200-shot, range model air rifle, with a compass in the stock and this thing that tells time.

…But that kid from A Christmas Story wouldn’t have had to worry day and night about getting the official Red Ryder yada, yada, yada… if he’d said this instead:

“Hey, Mom! If I take out the trash every Friday
and clean up the table every night after dinner,
could you up my allowance by a buck?”

Then he could’ve:
1. taken control of the situation
2. made a plan
3. been consistent

And soon all of his actions would add up to (drum roll, please…) RESULTS.

9 year-old Ralphie would’ve been able to buy that BB-gun. (Or something waaay better.)

Ah, the sweet taste of executing an educated plan.

People love-love-love A Christmas Story

It received 89% on Rotten Tomatoes. (Anything over 60% means it’s fresh, not rotten.) But I found the whole movie stressful (SPOILER ALERT) because I really thought someone was going to shoot their eye out. And I kept waiting for it.

My favorite Xmas film of all time is One Magic Christmas starring Mary Steenburgen. It’s set in the ’80’s before the world was full of Dollar Store toot. Mary’s voice always sounds like she’s carrying some kind of heavy burden, like an unresolved back story—don’t we all have one? It’s Hollywood-perfect for hatching a fleshed-out character. As soon as you hear her talk, you want to cry. Or hug her. Or do both.

What to say instead of I need to lose weight before my wedding

Rather than the RESULT, I need to focus on the weight-loss process.

I need to stop crash dieting, get into The GOLD Standard Routine and TRUST THE PROCESS.

The GSR unlocks your H 🙂 PPY weight.

PS Another spoiler alert. If meeting your body’s energy and nutrient needs with ROUGHLY balanced meals made MOSTLY of whole foods—you know, fresh foods like tomatoes—isn’t part of your action plan, you WILL want cake. Not because you’re addicted to food! But simply because your body’s natural response to crash dieting is craving sugary, processed fake food for quick energy.

These articles are a great place to start:

I need to lose weight before my wedding THINKING doesn’t work – Reason #2

When you have a specific deadline there’s lots of PRESSURE.

So you try to make quick-fixes and do whatever it takes to lose weight.

Why?

Because you believe it’s just a short-term choice and frankly, no big deal.

But frankly, it is a big deal.

Every time you do something (healthy or unhealthy) you get MORE used to doing “it”.

And soon “it” becomes your normal.

Like you might:

skip a meal
over-exercise
or purge

after eating something you wish you didn’t because you tell yourself:

I DON’T HAVE TIME TO MAKE MISTAKES!!!

Or you’ll think you’re getting “back on track” by taking Xlax.

…I mean, ex-lax.

I took ex-lax 2 times in high school

All these years later I still remember counting out the change in my backpack and hoping I had enough. And by the time I got up to the front of the queue I must’ve looked like I was going to rob the till, because I did like a 360-look-about every 10 seconds to ensure that no one, or their mom, from my 800-person high school suddenly appeared.

After the 2nd time I got scared that taking laxatives would ruin my natural bowl-ability. Is that how one describes it? So I never took ex-lax again. But I was caught in the starve-binge-purge cycle for YEARS with no idea it could lead to life-threatening conditions like tearing my esophagus. And every time I circled that vicious cycle I was beyond sure it was THE. LAST. TIME. I’d ever purge.

But 10 years, or if you prefer to count in weeks, 520 of ’em later… I was STILL starving, bingeing and purging.

Trying to lose weight before my wedding THINKING is all about short-term choices

That give you short-term results.

What have you been doing more than a couple times that hasn’t worked?

Stop.

Reflect.
Is it bingeing?
Purging?
Overeating at night?
Taking laxatives?
Skipping meals?
Dropping out of dinner and drinks with the girls to plan a new diet or avoid food situations?
…Or something else?

Then try something new.

Trying a new approach isn’t giving up!

Psychologists say that open-minded people — those who seek out alternate viewpoints and weigh the evidence fairly — tend to score higher on the SAT and on intelligence tests. At the same time, smart people are careful about which ideas and perspectives they adopt— Business InsiderTrying something other than dieting, since dieting hasn’t worked for how many years?… is opening your mind to explore other options.

A strategy that’s a sign of intelligence, baby!

Stop doing things that don’t work long term

Like:

calorie counting
weighing yourself
eating low-fat processed food like diet pop and rice cakes
running 5 miles after eating something you regret
phoning Steve back even though you know he only calls when he has nothing to do

Steve does not appreciate you, ok?

What to say instead of I need to lose weight before my wedding

I need to take the pressure off losing weight by a certain date and instead focus on my progress. (Not perfection.)

Where can I improve my eating and exercise habits to get closer to being in a GOLD Standard Routine?

Mistakes are part of the weight-loss process

When I ate what I thought was a bite too much of a jumbo cookie on my 24th birthday in London’s Tavistock Square (the story from pg 155 of my book), it was the very first time I didn’t binge just because I made a “mistake”. It was hard not to binge though. In fact, my warped thinking at the time was, “If you don’t binge and purge to punish yourself you’re not trying hard enough to lose weight.” But in response to the horned devil camped out on my left shoulder sporting a tight-red Lycra unitard (which frankly did nothing for him) a softer, gentler, wiser voice said into my right ear: But Kelly, if you want things to be different (better!) you have to try something different.

So I did.

Instead of bingeing, etc. I ate dinner, prepped for my class the next day and went to bed. And the next morning I felt ah-mazing for the first time in years. And I realized it was no big deal to eat a little bit too much as long as I got right back into my healthy routine. Aka the GOLD Standard Routine. Even if you eat a lot too much, sit with it (vs. purge). Natural consequences are our best teachers.

These articles are a great place to start:

I need to lose weight before my wedding THINKING doesn’t work – Reason #3

I always thought:

Once I lose weight by sticking to my diet
I’ll be so happy it will be easy to never over-eat again.

Really?

There must’ve also been unicorns on the planet I was residing.

…Weight loss is not about WILLPOWER!!!

Losing weight on a rigid plan will leave you with a bunch of bad habits.

Not only does dieting prime you to binge—overeating is your body’s natural response to restricting—if you’re like 95% of the rest of the world, you’ll gain all the weight back. And MORE.
95% of people who lose weight through dieting gain back all of their weight within 1 to 5 years; half of them gain back to a weight that's above their starting weight— eatingdisorder.org
Like I did.

10 extra pounds became 30. Real fast.

And following diet rules, tips and tricks made my eating disordered, which:

got me thinking about food 24-7
slowed down my metabolism
left me with hardly any energy

And I lost and regained the same ten to 15 pounds hundreds of times.

Dieting messes around with your body and mind.

What to say instead of I need to lose weight before my wedding

I need to lose weight the SAME way I want to keep it off.

Or as one of my clients said to me today:

When I was dieting I’d feel like I was doing really good for 5 days. But I knew it wasn’t real. Like, I knew sticking to the new diet wouldn’t last and I’d gain back all the weight I lost quickly… Not ever having Doritos again isn’t real. But having less and serving them out vs. eating them straight from the bag is.

Here’s what I had to say about that: 💪

Getting into the GOLD Standard Routine is all about building habits, not willpower.

The whole point of the weight-loss period is to figure out what works for you.

But, I mean, you can do better than that!

The whole point of the weight-loss period is to build a lifestyle you ❤️ LOVE.

My life didn’t please me, so I created my life— Coco Chanel

Life is too short NOT to pack your world full of people, animals, meals and accessories that make you excited to walk through each day.

(You know that tree in the pic from the top of this post…? A few days later there was no trace of pink petals. Just like that <snap fingers> they were gone.)

I love this silver chunk bracelet that’s filled with cherry blossom-colored quartz that I got years ago from a cool store in Toronto called Eclectisaurus.

What you like to eat is just as unique as you are.

You’re an eclectisapien.

Figure out what the one and only YOU loves to eat.

Figure out what makes you feel good.

Here’s a hint: Fresh food gives you tons of energy. Have fun cutting up kiwi to put on top of your steel cut oats, sprinkling some pepitas on for protein and sipping a full-fat latte. Boom! You got yourself a balanced breakfast. (I also add an apple or two, to my steel cut oats. I love fruit and vegetables.)

These articles are a great place to start:

Judy Garlands diet will change how you eat

I need to lose weight before my wedding THINKING just doesn’t work!

When you understand WHY I need to lose weight before my wedding THINKING doesn’t work, it’s so much easier to STOP dieting and get into a healthy routine that will naturally unlock your HAPPY weight.

Like the 3 words—5 syllables: Gold Standard Routine, I got into 22 years ago.

Stop trying to lose weight by the weekend and think about the big picture of your life.

The GSR SIMPLIFIES eating and exercise and gives you tons of energy so there’s time for all the meaningful things in life.

Like feeling the magic of showing up at your:

wedding
holiday
law firm
Calamity Jane jodhpurs fitting
school dance
camp
canoe trip
start of school
or going on a hot date with someone other than bloody Steve

…feeling comfortable in your body.

It’s time to stop dieting and get mentally and physically fit by focusing on being healthy instead of being thin.

And ironically, just like I say at the back of my book:

Feeling confident about what you eat so you can put your knife and fork down and forgetaboutit, is FREEDOM.

What happens when you stop thinking I need to lose weight before my wedding

You have time to press pause, reflect and smell the flowers…

…even if you’re not at a wedding.

And just under a cherry blossom tree
beside a basketball court
in a dress you found in the garbage.

Why do people throw clothes out… even ones with tags on them!? We’ve walked down to the clothing bank at the end of our street 4 times this week with big bags full of other people’s clothes they’ve left in black sacks in the garbage room of our complex.

Since we’re talking weddings…

This tea towel isn’t how I feel about marriage or relationships AT ALL:

But I wanted to show it to you because it made me laugh.

And speaking of doing things WRONG, this is Coco. Not as in Channel… as in “nut”. He’s a coconut. Anyways… When we adopted him from the emergency vet (after he was FIRED from being a blood donor because he has a parasite), the vet said Coco looks like he watched a make-up tutorial on YouTube and applied his black eyeliner all wrong… (pooling in the inner eye) and then used it as lipstick!

Well… I think Coco looks camera-ready (as did he when he crashed this photo).

Make Today Count

OK… ready to STOP the I need to lose weight before my wedding THINKING?

Instead, think of what you can eat at your next meal that makes it ROUGHLY balanced.

Check that 1/3 of your plate is each of the following:

fruit and/or veg
a delicious carb, like a big baked potato (skin ON!)
& the final 1/3 is divided by protein & dairy (full-fat sour cream?!) with some natural oils
(like a homemade salad dressing and coconut oil to fry your salmon steak)

Beautiful!

Build healthy eating and exercise habits. A healthy weight will follow.

Next Steps

Rather than picking a looming event (oh the stress!) to lose weight, choose a date that’s in 6 months or a year from now that you can visualize yourself waking up in your bedroom feeling good about being in a SOLID GOLD Standard Routine. Give yourself the space to discover meals, snacks, occasional treats and exercise you love. It will keep evolving and you’ll crave healthier and healthier food! And give your body a chance to get out of survival mode (after years of yo-yo dieting) and start to trust you.

Just to get back. Back with you.

Every feel that way about someone?

What about yourself?

The whole time I was overweight I kept thinking I wish I could get back to being who I was before my eating was disordered.

I always thought if I could just lose the weight before fill in the blank (it was a different event almost every day), then I’d be back to who I was.

But after I got healthy I began to understand the experience. And I realized the weight was kind of sand in an oyster. Shaking up the status quo. And that’s not a bad thing. Really tough and confusing times make us get outside of our comfort zones and learn, appreciate and create things bigger than ourselves—things we couldn’t dream up any other way. Don’t look back. Keep moving forward toward who you’re meant to be.

PS I may or may not have included the song “Back with you” because I have a (20-years-after-everybody-else) crush on Taylor Hanson… (A happily married father of 7.) James Iha from Smashing Pumpkins is pretty cute too. They were both in a band called Tinted Windows with superstar Bun E. Carlos from Cheap Trick and a crazy-talented and all round cool musician named Adam Schlesinger who passed away on April 1st 2020 due to the Corona Virus.